Taking a Step Back from the Repeal Campaign | Am I Making the Right Decision?

November 14, 2017

Taking a Step Back from the Repeal Campaign | Am I Making the Right Decision?

I have wanted to talk about this for a long time, and I have been thinking about it a lot lately. In fact, it has been coming up a lot in conversations I have been having with friends, classmates, and people involved in the movement. So, in light of it coming up so much lately, I decided to come on and have a chat about it. I could talk about this for days, but I will try and keep it as short and sweet as possible. It may not be all encompassing, but you'll get the idea!

Yes I am still pro-repeal, and yes I am still involved in the movement, just not as much!
When did I take a step back? Well, after Repeal Week/Strike4Repeal last year (mid-March).
Why? For my own health and well-being.
Confused? Let me explain.

"I shouldn't have to do this"

Alriiiight. So, Strike4Repeal is probably a good place to start. During the weeks running up to Strike4Repeal, myself and my good friend Laura, who was president of the Feminist Society at the time, worked very hard on getting everything prepped. Laura did much more work than myself, but I accompanied her to a lot of things, and her me, and I managed a lot of the social media for the Strike. That meant most of my free time was dedicated to the Strike, and I was putting my heart and soul into photographing the lead-up and the event itself. This actually resulted in inactivity on here.

"I just didn't want to fight anymore"

After a couple of months campaigning and raising awareness of the strike, the strike day came about and I did NOT want to go. I am surprised that I did go to be honest. I was probably lucky that I made it considering I slept in so much (story of my life). Point being: I did not want to. I was so unbelievably tired,
I was mentally, physically and spiritually drained of any life.
I didn't even feel anger anymore. I did not feel sad, upset, offended, or anything else.
I just didn't want to fight anymore. But I did.

"I was still so fed up"

I got up, went out, and did my damnedest. BOY was it a long and difficult day! We had a rally in college, followed by a march, a protest outside the library, we met the ROSA bus, and then headed to town for the student rally, and then finally, the march! It didn't go without a few bumps in the road either. Myself and Laura were running around at the last minute trying to get placards for ourselves and we ended up painting them on the spot.
I was still so fed up.
I just said to Laura:
"I shouldn't have to do this"
...and thus, the birth of my placard which I have used since!

I really should not have to do this. Fight for my human, bodily rights, but here I am! Anyway, that's not what this post is about...sooo moving on.

Regardless of all of that palava, it was a very exhaustative day. I screamed and chanted until I wanted to puke. I marched until my feet gave in. I fought until my body wouldn't let me go on. I was in a hape at the end. An utter HAPE! I couldn't think of anything other than repeal chants, they were rolling around in my head for weeks. As tired as I was, I could not sleep. The fight was too big to let go of in order to sleep.
I was a broken woman.

"I screamed and chanted until I wanted to puke. I marched until my feet gave in. I fought until my body wouldn't let me go on"

After all of my time and effort and photographing, I didn't ever end up sharing any of my photos from the day of the strike. I still have not posted the photos to this day. They are still couped up in the corner of one of my SD cards, waiting to surface again one day. And I am sure they will!

I wasn't right for about three months after this day. I could not disconnect. I could not switch off. I could not let go. But I had no energy to do anything with the fight left in me. The fire in my belly became bigger and bigger, but I felt smaller and smaller. I felt like I had no more fuel to feed that fire and make it known.

"go hard or go home"

Between having little energy and not wanting to subject myself to this kind of exhaustion again, I didn't feel like I could continue the fight. I get so wound up and so anxious, and I feel like its just a case of go hard or go home! I can't just be kinda involved. It is so emotive and I feel so connected to it. I don't know how to only be involved a small bit.

"The fire in my belly became bigger and bigger, but I felt smaller and smaller"

I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that there are more ways of being involved than being out and shouting and justifying the fight. I can have conversations with those close to me. I can post on my social media about it, making more people aware of the campaign, and make posts like this! The campaign is more than protests and marches.

"There are times I wish I deferred the year so as I can be active in the campaign 100%"

I have been somewhat selfish and decided to remain in my slightly more reserved position because I don't want my degree to fail or fall to the wayside. College is very tough for me. I find it very challenging, very difficult, and quite a struggle at the best of times. College isn't really for me, but I have decided to stick it out and get my piece of paper, and I want to do the best that I can (go hard or go home, eh?). I really don't want to have to repeat a year, college is not something I will miss wholeheartedly.

The campaign is more than protests and marches.

This seems selfish and almost unimportant. There are times I wish I deferred the year so as I can be active in the campaign 100%. And I do seriously consider it, but college for me is something that I am dying to be through with. This degree anyway. I want to do it, do it well, and absolutely smash those grades. I can't do that and be involved in the campaign 100%. So that's why I am taking a step back.

I am taking care of me, my health, my well-being, and my little degree that I've working on for the past two and a half years.

I have slowly come to terms with that fact that this is okay. I know so many fellow college students who are far more active than I am in the campaign, but are leaving themselves inundated with late assignments and crazy hours in the library. They think I am doing the right thing, and I think they are sometimes!

The grass is always greener guys, and to be totally honest, this campaign is only the start. When that Repeal vote comes ringing through next summer (gotta be positive), the fight will go on. The campaign will go on. The activism will not stop. Repeal is not the end of it. We are only at the beginning.

So deciding to take the year to finish my degree to the best of my ability really isn't such a bad idea. The battle to make sure activism does not consume me entirely continues...

Do any of you guys struggle to balance your studies with your passions? How do you do it?