Birth-Control | My Fears | Trigger Warning | Student Issues

These are the things that you don't hear too often, yet these are the things that need to be spoken about. Speak up, let your voice be heard, and end the suffering. 

"I STARTED MY PERIOD WHEN I WAS 10"

I am now 20 years old, and I went on the pill back in my early teens, I think I was about 13 years of age. I was an early bloomer. I started my period when I was 10. It has been a roller coaster, and I have recently decided to get off. This, for more reasons than one, has been a massive decision for me.

I have had my fair share of ups and downs, and demonic tendencies on pills that suited me, threatened to kill me, and just about balanced me. Or, at least, so I thought.

"€20 A MONTH FOR A PEACEFUL PERIOD"

Some pills did not balance me whatsoever, and really triggered the worst in me. I have been at my worst with the worst pills for me. The hormonal imbalance was shockingly impacting. When I found a pill that actually made me feel on a level that was live-able, I kept on it, for years. I started this pill very young, and didn't see any major impact on my health, with regard to the listed symptoms possible.

As time went on, I started to reevaluate.

Unfortunately, it was a lot later on in life when I started to reconsider my pill. I have always experienced a level of depression and anxiety, since I was about 8 or 9 I think. I just remember having panic attacks when I was small, and not having a clue why I was panicking and crying. So feeling down and anxious didn't surprise me when I started birth control. It didn't feel like anything new. I really should have realized my hormones were bolloxed when the times where I was most suicidal was during my periods! 

To be fair though, in those states of mind, nothing makes sense.

When I was earning my own money, not relying completely on my parents for birth-control money, €20 a month for a peaceful period just felt like way too much. I went in search of a cheaper pill, but this is where it went down hill. I tried a couple of pills before I realized that my hormones were going to change coming up to my 20th birthday anyway, out of the teens and into womanhood, yano?

Coming into my exams at the end of second year, I started a new pill. Clever, I know. I was very focused on my exams and assignments, but I don't think I have been so stressed and panicked doing essays before. What really hit home with me, was that even into the summer, well after exam season, and even after results, I was still feeling very down and out.

On top of feeling down and out, and not being able to shake it, I still had a continued disinterest in sex, but it didn't seem right. Yes, I said a disinterest in sex. No, not completely, but I always thought it was just me, not pushed either way, with a bit of fire from time-to-time. Turns out, birth-control can really take a hold on this aspect of life, and boy does it!

"THE FEAR OF MY INEVITABLE FATE IN THE CASE OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, LIVING IN A COUNTRY WITH NO LEGAL ABORTION"

Making the decision to get off of birth-control was a big one. The difficulty was not in deciding whether or not deathly periods were worth it, rolling around in agony, taking days off to survive, or even any sex interest.

In reality, the fear, the worry, and the massive weight hovering over me, although I am in a long-term relationship with a woman, was the fear of my inevitable fate in the case of sexual assault, living in a country with no legal abortion. Birth-control was my safety net, and I know for a fact I am not alone in this. 

"BIRTH-CONTROL WAS MY SAFETY NET"

I was so sick of feeling so down, I was looking at getting an injection, using the Nova Ring, the implant, loads of different things. I just decided that I needed to let my body be what it is, let the hormones flow naturally, and be as natural as possible for once. I don't truly know my own body. I have been on birth-control for so long I am so not in tune with my body. I want to know my body, know its ebbs and flows, and how it behaves on its own terms.

If this venture doesn't work for me, then I will reconsider, but at the minute I am viewing this step as a brave one. A step I needed to make, to give my body a chance, but also to give myself the confidence to fight for my rights, because I shouldn't have to pay €20 a month to keep my peace of mind. 

Repeal the 8th Amendment, now.

This year is the 6th year for the March for Choice. 20,000 people were at the last one, and this is the last one before the referendum. Make it a priority to be there, fight the good fight. There is strength in numbers, and we can overcome this fight.

Saturday September 30th. See you there. 

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Thank you for reading

Lots of love

xoxo

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